So French police have arrested black metal musician and bell-end magnet Kristian ‘Varg’ Vikernes, and certain sections of the internet are aflame with animated debate.
Frankly, even if he dodges the terrorism charges, they’ll get Kristian on fashion crimes. Moving to the home of haute couture may prove a miscalculation for this Nordic knob-jockey. Having said which, I’d be willing to let him have the hat. Compared to previous headgear, it’s pretty chic, while if anybody can rock that ‘Bennie from Crossroads’ look, it’s Vikernes. But not the top. Pastel issues aside, it’s inside-fucking-out. News flash! Black metal mastermind in struggle to dress himself properly!
On a (comparatively) more serious note, I expect the French police are wondering the same thing I am: viz., how did this turd-puncher get into France in the first place? Norway’s not in the EU, so he will have gone through customs, where they presumably checked his records and then… okay, previous for pre-meditated murder and destroying ancient monuments, with extensive evidence of several loose screws and an ongoing campaign of incitement to racial hatred. Why didn’t you say so Monsieur Vikernes? Come on in and make yourself at home! Would your lovely wife care to join the local shooting club?…
On a more positive note, he’s unlikely to be enjoying the same pampering he did in Norwegian chokey courtesy of the Scandinavian liberalism he hates so much. The French police aren’t known for being over-fond of foreigners, or indeed weirdos, so in a cute irony, he’s likely to be falling down the stairs quite a lot at the hands of racist bigots.
Oh, and I’m owed an ‘I told you so’ on this. Vikernes is a textbook egocentric narcissist – a pompous, attention-seeking nutter in other words. The ‘black metal circle’ might’ve stayed at liberty a little longer had he been able to resist boasting about his crimes – and those of his former compatriots – to the press (this writer included). The minute the media’s attention began to wander, however, Kristian was bound to start thinking about kicking off again. I’ve seen a few people jokily connect this episode to bad reviews for his last album. Many a true word and all that…
Some folk have been debating his attitude to the ideologies of fellow Nordic mentalist Anders Breivik. This kind of misses the point in my opinion. Breivik was competition for his twisted version of the limelight, nothing more or less. Bloated egos like the one cultivated by Mr Vikernes tend to make a fuck of a mess when they finally burst. If there was an justice some of those morons and opportunists who’ve been merrily inflating his ego for fun and profit over the past couple of decades got caught in some of the resultant backblast. But they won’t.